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Ask Judy Question #6
Dear Judy: I work for a fairly large company, and have for eight years. Recently, many of the people in my department began avoiding me, and look at me as if I had leprosy. I discovered that one person, who seems nice on the surface, but absolutely must be in charge of informal department activities, is spreading vicious lies about me. (This person has been with the company for 18 years, and has a very responsible job.)
My crime? The "coordinator" was out for a week, and some people had birthdays, so I made sure we had cakes, cards, and a little celebration. I thought I was helping, but when she got back and learned of my good deeds, she was furious. I guess she felt threatened. The strange looks from fellow workers began the same day she got back.
You might wonder why I'd let it bother me, but the rumors are that I'm very "close" to one of the company's vice presidents and am breaking up his family. I feel like this is going to destroy me, my job, and possibly my marriage. What can I do regarding this vicious whispering campaign?
Signed...Devastated in Dayton
Responses by Judy Vorfeld, Terri Robinson, and Anne Caldwell
Dear Devastated: You touched a nerve. This same type of thing happened to me: a controlling person felt so threatened by my good deeds that a whispering campaign regarding my morality (or lack thereof) became necessary. I knew for a fact that the "coordinator" carefully but deliberately spread lies about me. These were some of the most difficult days of my work experience.
I didn't go to Human Resources. There was no evidence, only innuendo. It hurt deeply that others, including "friends," would believe lies about me. To the best of my ability, I ignored it. I had a job to do, and didn't want to give extra energy to something so potentially draining. Finally, after almost two years, the "coordinator" relented and once more became cordial. Apparently I'd paid the penalty for overstepping my bounds.
Frankly, Devastated, I don't have any advice. The human condition is fragile and the workplace full of difficult situations. Some people lose sight of the company goals and become wrapped up in power plays. Perhaps other, more experienced people can recommend actions better than I.
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Response by Terri Robinson, Recruit2Hire
Dear Devastated: It's a very ugly situation, and one there really is no pat answer to, but it won't go away just by wishing it so!
Have you taken this person aside in private and spoken to her? Of course
you don't want to make it worse by attacking her in private, but if you were
to say something about how you admire her for all her work in noticing
birthdays and you hope that it was okay that you "carried on her
tradition" by filling in for her while she was away. It might let her know
in a subtle way that you are not trying to take her place. And it also
might make her feel like a "heel" for starting a whisper campaign about you
- enough so that she could stop it. I would not even mention anything
about the ugly rumors to her. Good luck!
Terri Robinson
http://www.recruit2hire.com
Connecting you to the right Sales Pro for Your Sales Job
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Response by Anne Caldwell, Outsourcing Solutions
Dear Devastated: The direct approach is recommended but can sometimes backfire with people who
operate with these kinds of tactics. First, nail down your facts so you are
not dealing with speculation. Who brought this to your attention and how
reliable are they? If you can get down to facts, then ask the perpetrator
for a few minutes of her time. I would ask her point blank what you have
done to offend her. If she objects, let her know that you are distressed
because some untrue accusations are being circulated about you.
Tell her you know (if you DO know) that she has had a part in it and that you expect it to stop. If she resists, remind her that passing detrimental information is against the law and can also be construed as a form of harassment. End the conversation by saying that you would prefer to have a mutually beneficial
working relationship with her and ask how that can be accomplished. If this
does not take care of it, then report the incidents to the appropriate
executive.
Anne Caldwell, Outsourcing Solutions
www.azoutsource.com
Your Visionary Human Resource Strategists
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